There's an underlying sadness in my soul fed by the premature death of my sister, my dad, the challenge/gift of my granddaughter, Taylor, and the poignant loss of many important people in my life--most especially my mom. This sadness is pulled forward with any event that I anticipate as a loss. I have an irrational (?) fear of losing my brain (aka intellect, creativity, capacity for generativity) when I retire.
I'm becoming more aware of how the traits I value in myself are "in relation"--to you, to other colleagues. My fear, my sense of loss, is tied to losing this relationship.
I need coaching! Please don't say " we will keep in touch". Great intentions, grim reality. Coach me. Where will my inspiration come from? I fear being dry alone since I am so fertile in community.
Jackie
ReplyDeleteI can hear your fear. I can appreciate your fear.
Retirement may be easy or simple or neither.
I have seen you draw out your creative soul in your painting and jewerly. What can you learn from cultivating your creativity that you can apply to cultivating your community?
You have loved your venture into creativity. I can see the sparkle in your eye as you talk about it. How might you create that same sparkle as you think about your venture in cultivating community?
In your life after EY some EY relationships will bloosom like you never expected, others will fade like you never expected and others will grow from places you never expected.
Community and creativity will create foundation for a wonderful next phase in life! You can impact the direction of both.
Heartfelt from Minneapolis
Wow. What a powerful "post". What does it feel like to name your fear? What has happened with your emotions and your thinking since you hit the "post comment" button?
ReplyDeleteYou have asked for coaching, how would you like to receive it? via the blog? during a group call? one-on-one?
Well, I for one cannot say anything as well as Jim just did (for a person who says that he doesn't like to write, Jim is very eloquent but this comment isn't about him so let me not get off track).
ReplyDeleteJackie the first thing that came to mind when I read your musings is what are your plans? Not just the "oh I'll be...." but specifics (with wiggle room built in of course because you will be retired after all and should enjoy some flexibility to your schedule)Just a guess but would some sort of picture or plan give you some sense of comfort and maybe even a little bit of control over what is to come? If your retirement was one big canvas that is just primed and all ready for you to paint something beautiful, what would you want to paint on it? What do you want to see on your canvas? Then start to think about what do you have to do to make that picture become a reality -- just like an artist might be mixing up different colors and incorporating different strokes onto that canvas to create cetain effects. And then don't forget just like any artist you have to also allow for some inspiration. That's the beauty of a bohemian life (smile). Ok to paint some of the scary/uncertain parts too (you can get that on the canvas and then you can paint over it -- sort of like a "do over").
Another thought came to mind, have you ever considered selling your jewelry? If yes, what might be involved? Would you need to get into showing your jewlery at local craft shows? What about some of the local shops or boutiques? Have you shown a couple of your pieces to anyone who might be willing to take a few pieces on consignment? Can you see yourself doing this or giving it a try? If not, that's ok then what could you see yourself doing and just add that to your painting.
And then I agree with Jim, some relationships will blossom and some will fade with time and be replaced by others. Unlike death however over which we have no control we can influence to some extent our relationships (or at least know that we tried and can have peace with that).
So what are your inspired to paint on your canvas?
The Jersey Muse
Thank you, Jackie, for your openness and the trust you have placed in us.
ReplyDeleteAs you create that beautiful painting, what is important for you to feel, experience, let go of, to bring it to life?
There's another aspect to what you shared that I especially appreciate - the connectedness to your current fear woven in to your accumulated life events. I am never far from the connected dots of my own life story and in a year where one of my worst fears is unfolding your words resonated as a reminder that these times of change tap in to our greatest fears and grandest strengths. And that the expression of such fears is an essential part of moving forward.
ReplyDeleteYou are a model of self-awareness and continual discovery. It is an incredible honor to be part of this journey with you.
DAP